Not Myself Lately

So recently I had the experience of spending time around an invidual who I just for whatever reason am not myself around.  I think we all have people in our lives who for whatever reason seem to draw the worst out of us, and I believe the majority of the time it has much more to do with us than it does them.  But the point is, I was not feeling like myself at all, instead I was feeling like the worst version of myself and couldn't seem to snap out of it.  And that alone drove me crazy.  What the heck was wrong with me?  Why couldn't I just be my normal, generally happy self? 
This question was still niggling at me Sunday morning as I arrived at church for our pre-service rehearsal at the crack of 7 am, bleary-eyed and struggling a bit to wake up (side note:  thank heavens for DD's ice coffee!!).  And I was still feeling somewhat out of sorts from wrestling with the question and being irritated with myself. 
One of the songs we were singing that day was "Lead Me to the Cross".  As I was listening to Caroline lead us in the song, one of the phrases hit me like a lightning bolt...."rid me of myself, I belong to You".  Whoa.  Right then and there it occured to me that my problem was not that I was not feeling or acting like myself.  Quite the opposite.  I was feeling and acting EXACTLY like myself.  The self that exists outside of allowing God to fill me and lead me. 
I don't need to be more like me.  Left to my own devices, I am not naturally gracious or kind or patient.  I am, to be honest, a miserable person to be and to be around.  I don't need to be more like me. I need to be more like Him.  John 3:30 says "He must become greater; I must become less".  And the more I pondered it, the more it occured to me how backwards I had it.  I am fallen, a sinner, and on my own not a lovely person.  But every time I allow God to fill me, to "clean house" on any area of my life He chooses, I become more like Him.  He is gracious.  He is kind and merciful, patient and forgiving.  If I want to be those things, I don't need to be more like myself.  I want to be more like Him.